Apparently, making lists online is all the fucking rage these days. We’ve compiled a fun list of things to do in 29 Palms, and we refuse to spell out the entire number because fuck that.

Enjoy, and possibly cry because you’re stationed in that God-forsaken, camel-fucked, shit hole.

 

 

Hump.

Hump.*

Hump.

Buy beer at the PX and drink until you forget where you are.

Go to Palm Springs to play “Dude or Chick”.

Get a rub ‘n’ tug.

Check fire for a tortoise.

Cover and align the rocks in front of the barracks.

Clean your rifle.

Clean it again because a 7-ton drove by.

Hump.

Enjoy exciting bar fights at the Silver Screen.

Hump.**

Run Range 400 fifteen times on a four day weekend.

Finish beating off in a porta shitter before you pass out from heat exhaustion.

Race to Subway when it rains.

Go to the zone and look for Comm chicks.

Kidnap people from other platoons.

Sweat.

ND clearing your weapon.

Go to Vegas.

Wake up in Reno.

Hump.

Get into a barracks brawl. (The thing where the Grunts beat Arty like the unwanted cunts that they are.)

Cry.

Hump.

Decide you’re not reenlisting.

Fucking leave and never look back.

*Nothing on this post makes sense.

**IF YOU OR A LOVED ONE HAS BEEN DIAGNOSED WITH MESOTHELIOMA YOU MAY TO BE ENTITLED TO FINANCIAL COMPENSATION.