Here at blumpkin.com our material involves political discourse or smoking hot females who embrace Americanism (or smoking hot females who embrace Americanism engaging in political discourse). Today we want to take the time to discuss something important to all our daily lives and discuss something that negatively affects our physical wellness. We’re talking about fitness faux pas. We’ve all been at the gym, getting a nice pump or melting some fat so we can get ready for a vacation, prepare for summer or just continue our eternal quest for perpetually being tan jacked and vascular and while experiencing some minor training transgressions or major fitness idiocy. This article seeks to highlight some of those and maybe illuminate some things some of us or those we know are unaware of.
1.) Bench Camping
Bench Camping is one of the all-time worst offenses a person can commit in the gym. These people are the people that require some serious educating on fitness center decorum. You have spotted this person often. They come into the gym. They immediately rush one of the dumbbell benches. They put their water, their gym bag or purse and their towel on the bench. They never use it. They’ll squat next to it with the dumbbells or easy bar. They’ll stop to use it as a bench to sit on while they talk to their friends. They will commit these atrocities but never will they utilize the bench for what it is meant for. Instead they simple use the bench for their own little safe-space while everyone around them is waiting to jump in and squeeze a few sets. The worst days in the gym are the days where multiple campers are commandeering the benches for 45 minutes per person
2.) Double Benching
This offense is similar to the camper only this involves 2 friends who camp. Unlike the lone bench camper, these people typically will use the bench for their exercises, or at least a few of them. However, this duo is a real exercise killer because not only do you have one person with one safe space, you now have a conjoined safe space. Instead of rotating in and out on the same bench, these folks are more about the conversation. They will work out simultaneously, then hold up everybody else looking to be tan jacked and vascular. These people are a hybrid of the bench camper and bench-necker; the latter of which we’ll address later.
3.) Sweat Savers
Sweat Savers are some of the laziest and most selfish people in the gym. These are the folks that do not have the courtesy to wipe down their bench with anything when they’re finished with their sets. These folks may be in a rush to get to their next station, maybe they don’t realize they’re sweating profusely (hardly probable) or they’re just plain lazy. These offenders command the ire of all their fellow gym-goers for their lack of fitness decorum. It’s not like MRSA and staff infections are that big of a deal.
4.) Cardio Convo
The cardio conversationalists are annoying but they are not as vile as most others on this list. The cardi-convo person will take a cell phone call and speak for the entirety of their cardio session. We’re not here to judge whether it’s a professional call or if it sounds like an emergency call. But if the person takes a call and they are yapping the whole time about their brother’s wife’s cousin’s sister’s dog, they deserve the shaming we’re giving them. The easiest way to handle this person is to simply crank up the music on your own cell phone and hopefully drown out the sound of this annoying person.
The person who commits “nepo-swapping” is the person that gets under our skin. Say you’re in a fitness center and you’re clearly waiting on a squat rack. The nepo-swapper will come in, talk to somebody who is on the rack, work in with them or just plainly ask them for it and the other person will leave. The person who was on the rack will commit a gross act of nepotism by swapping the piece of equipment with the other person. Similar to this is the person who tries to jump in line when you were very clearly waiting before him or her. The people who commit these fitness foul ups are entitled scumbags.
This is an issue found among millennials who are addicted to their mirror and their social media. This fitness fucker upper will take a selfie in between sets while you are very clearly waiting to use their piece of equipment. Instead of this person asking you if you’d like to work in with them, they’ll clog the machine or the weights that you need. Like many of the other offenders mentioned, this person is another example of what a selfish lifter looks like.
The cock-capturer is similar to the selfie-staller because it too involves the use of a cell phone. The cock-capturer will take a selfie of themselves in the locker room while you’re walking around with your sausage out, in your towel, or maybe just changing. Either way, whether you’re packing flesh cannon or a 1 inch thriller, you don’t want other people snapping pictures of your cock just because they have a little pump going on in the gym, at least not without paying you for pictures of your meat (or meat-box if you’re a female).
8.) Rack-path Plugging
The rack-path plugger doesn’t understand logistics or they have no concept of spatial awareness. They will stand directly in front of the dumbbell weight rack. At some gyms, the benches are mounted to the floor. What happens is a person will perform an exercise in front of the bench, in between the bench and the weight rack, which will plug the path. Either this prevents you from walking to wherever you’re going next or it prevents you from grabbing the weight you intended on using. Either way, this person is guilty of having a lack of fitness literacy.
This is somewhat similar to the bench camper. This person will sit on their machine, use it occasionally, then talk the rest of the time. Or they’ll migrate toward somebody else, leading you to believe the bench or machine is unoccupied, but will run back toward you when you attempt to use the equipment, creating a bottleneck at the machines or benches; hence “bench-necking.”
10.) Androgen Advertisement
The gym-goer who commits this act is the ultimate turd. We’ve mentioned quite a few turds but this person is the ultimate. We’re not talking about the person who tries to sell steroids at the gym, though that person is a pretty big idiot too. We’re talking about the person who holds a conversation with a partner or even worse, somebody randomly, about using steroids. You’ve heard the person, typically in average shape; “yeahhhhh I’m on tren and test, I wanted to take an AI but my boy said not to worry about it because Tren doesn’t raise your estrogen.” There’s no need bro. We get it, you’re seeking attention and want everybody to know you’re on the sauce. Cool. WE DON’T CARRREEEEEE. It’s one thing if you’re on gear, good for you, though make sure you check the laws of your country beforehand. What’s worse though, is who knows who is around the guy? You almost want to dial 911 “yeah there’s some asshole at the gym who’s 5’4” with a 38” waist talking about Class 3 and Class 2 controlled substances in front of everybody. Can you please send a few patrolmen to arrest this man for being an idiot?” Of all the assholes you should not be, this is the one you definitely should not be.
No matter where you are, stay vigilant and try your best not to be one of the mentioned fitness fucker uppers. Always be mindful of your fellow lifter and do your best to promote a fitness environment we all can enjoy. If worst comes to worst, kindly approach and explain to the person committing the fitness foul what they’re doing is wrong. If they aren’t responsive, you can always meme and shame the fuck out of them. This concludes “Top Ten Fitness Fuck-ups.” Thanks for reading! – @bravo_charlie_meat_grenade.